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Sluts in high cogges
LYnus, to giue to me a spightfull frumpe, Good that my writings sauourd of the Pumpe, And that my Muse, for casual of matter, takes An Argument to write of from the Iakes. But where some is, there more makes it more. But where some is, there reading makes it more. OF Feels, Sextus known a true despiser, Affirmes, that on our writings oft he lookes, And confesseth he growes ne're the more. And they're hot hot. Say on, my boy, saith shee, your article mocks, Clownes, and not Courtiers, vse to goe by clocks.
That if the stuffes allowance being large, He found his fingers were to filch inclin'd, Bid him but haue the Banner in his minde. He that Sluts in high cogges knew what was enuffe, Soone slipt away three quarters of the stuffe. His man espying it, said in derision, Remember, Master, how you saw the vision. Peace knaue quoth he, I did not see one ragge Of such a colour'd silke in all the flagge. PRoud Paulus late aduanc't to high degree, Expects that I should now his follower be. Glad I Sluts in high cogges be to follow ones direction, Sluts in high cogges whom my honest suits might haue protection. A Bishop sues me for my tithes, that's worse, He dares not venter on a Bishops curse.
Pure Cinna o're Sluts in high cogges head would begge my Lease, Who my Lord. Rich widdow Lesbia for a slander Sluts in high cogges me. Tush for a womans cause, he must refuse me. Paulus, henceforth excuse me. For you that are your selfe thrall'd to so many, Shall neuer Sluts in high cogges my good Lord, if I haue any. OLd Cosmus hath of late got one lewd qualitie, To rayle at some that haue the cure of soules, And his pure sprite their auarice controules, That in their liuings is such inequalitie, That they that can keepe, no good hospitalitie, And some that would, whose fortune he condoles, [Page] [ Thoud'st haue vs thinke a Priest should haue but one, Wee'le thinke, nay say, nay sweare thou shouldst haue none.
Dames at least, My kind friend Marcus bade vnto his Feast, Where were both Fish and Flesh, and all acates, That men are wont to haue that feast great States. To pay for which, next day he sold a Nagge, Of whose pace, colour, Raine, he vs'd to bragge. Well, Ile ne're care for red, or fallow Deere, And if a Horse thus cookt can make such cheere. The King would needs haue notice of his Minion; Of this free Dame what was his franke opinion? I say, and dare affirme, my liege, quoth he, That if the crupper like the pertrell be, A King a Loue I worthy can account, Vpon so braue a trapped beast to mount.
But shall I tell thee what most thy suit aduances? Thy faire smoothe words? OLd Peleus plaines his fortune and ill chaunce, That still he brings his friends vnto the graue. God Peleus, I would thou hadst led the daunce, And I had pointed thee what friends to haue. But take me right, I meant in that I said, Your baggage bitch, and not my baggage mayd. A Captaine late arriu'd from losse of Sluce, Hearing some friend of mine did him abuse, [ TAke fortune as it falles, as one aduiseth: Yet Heywood bids me take it as it riseth: I Heare our Country neighbors oft complaine, Their fruits are still destroyd with too much rai [ No, Sinne doth raigne on earth, the case is plaine Which if we would repent, and then refraine, The skyes would quickly keepe their course againe.
Now that with lewdnesse we be luld asleepe, The heauens, to see our wickednesse, doe weepe. WHen you bade forty guests, to me vnknowne, I came not, though you twice for me did send, For which you blame me as a sullen friend. Sir, pardon me, I list not suppe alone. HAd I, good Sextus, well considered first, And better thought on phrases of ciuilitie, When I said, you of husbands were the worst, I should haue said, excepting the Nobilitie. Well, none, to speak more mannerly and true, The Nobles, and great States-men, all foreprised, [Page] [ Be no good husband, for as some haue thought, Husbands that will be good, make huswifes nought.
DAmes are indude with vertues excellent? What man is he can proue that they offend? Daily they serue the Lord with good intent: Seld they displease their husbands: Neuer in them one shall finde shrewdnes much. Such are their humors, and their grace is such. GOod Madame, in this verse obserue one point, That it seemes the Writer did appoint With smoothest oyle of praise your eares to noynt; Yet one his purpose soone may disappoint. For in this verse disparting but a point. Will put this verse so clearely out of ioynt, That all this praise will scant be worth a point. What man is he can proue that?
Such are their humors, and their graces such. For this verse in your praise, so smooth that goes, With one false point and stop, did ouer-reach you, And turne the praise to scorne, the rimes to prose, By which you may be slanderd all as Shrowes: And some, perhaps, may say, and speake no treason, The verses had more rime, the prose more reason.
ONce, by mishap, two Poets Sltus a-squaring, The Sonnet, and our Epigram hogh And Faustus, hauing long demurd vpon it, Yet, at the last, gaue sentence for the Sonnet, [Page] Now, for i censure, this his chiefe defence is, Their sugred taste best likes Sluts in high cogges likresse senses. Well, though I grant Sugar may please the Sluts in high cogges, Yet let my verse haue salt to make it last. Written to his wife. Peace boy, quoth I, not more of this a word, For in this place, this Grace hath little reason: When as we speake to God, we must speake true. And though the meat be good in taste and season, This season for a dinner is not due: Then peace, I say, to lie to God is treason.
Say on, my boy, saith shee, your father mocks, Clownes, and not Courtiers, vse to goe by clocks. Courtiers by clocks, said I, and Clownes by cocks. Now, if your mother chide with me for this, Then you must reconcile vs with a kisse. So Ellen hath faire teeth, that in her purse She keepes all night, and yet sleepes ne're the worse. So widdow Lesbia, with her painted hide, Seem'd, for the time, to make a handsome bride. If Pedro be for this a Poet cald, So you may call one hairie that is bald. POets, hereafter, for pensions need not care, Who call you beggers, you may call them lyers, Verses are growne such merchantable ware, That now for Sonnets, sellers are, and buyers.
I Read that Satyre thou intitlest first, And layd aside the rest, and ouer-past, And sware, I thought, that th'author was accurst, That that first Satyre had not been his last.
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WHen rimes were yet but rude, thy pen ende [ Now iudge you, that the work mock, enuie, taunt, Whose seruice in this place may make most vaunt: If vs, or you, to praise it, were most meet, You, that made sowre, or vs, that make it sweet? But, if this dish, though draffe in apparision, Were made thus sawst, a seruice not vnciuill, Say ye that taste, and not Higg the Booke, The Dee'le go Slkts the meat, God with Sluts in high cogges Cooke. LYnus, to giue to me a spightfull frumpe, Said that my writings sauourd of the Pumpe, And that my Muse, for want of matter, takes An Argument to write of from the Iakes. Well, Lynus, speake each Reader as he thinks, Though thou of Sluts in high cogges wrat'st, and I of sinks, [Page] Yet some will say, comparing both together, Coggs wit hign matter thence, thine matter thither.
But sure, gainst Garlicks sauour, at one word, I know but one receit, what's that? Pure prayer ascends to him that high doth fit. Downe falls the filth, for fiends of hell more fit. HOw ist, Don Pedros breath is still perf [ I like it not, for still it is presum'd; Who smelleth euer well, smells neuer well. THe Writer and the matter well might meet, Were he as eloquent, as it is sweet. It's hard to be a stud. To be a stud you have to be witty, good looking and have a great body. To be a slut, you just have to be there!!! Sit back, close your eyes and imagine for a moment what fantasy I could be part of!
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